Be Tough

Dear myself, today is myself motivation to my self. Dear zaf... Well you should be proud of your name even though the name is meaningless and totally rare. Zaf, you should be more patient when people are criticize you, look down to you and the most important time is when people insult you. Yeah for them your not beautiful that you will be single till the end of life. Well there is not your fault. Well just ignore them... I just miss my blog today and i have nobody to talk right now maybe i deserve this way...nobody notice me... 😭😭😭 i just hope i can be as much happy as i can with people i love and care....hope the day will come

Dream

Catch your dream while you still can....hmmm i wish i could here this beautiful phrase come from my parent mouth instead of insulting or provoke me. Its not totally my fault after all, i already tried to contact them but it seem useless. The day that should be my ultimate happiness turn to be the worse day and until right now i seem like an invisible person. I also want to take picture with them in convo dress but it seem that we dont have enough time. For them, i am ungratefull child and i'm totally a loser. I admit everything happen in my life, they wrote a story behind my failure but for them its all my fault. I dont have any courage to stay alive as happy person anymore and i have to act like an hypocrite person anymore

Friends

Well it has been long time since las update. To muslim, how's your ramadhan? So i have finished my studies and waiting for the convocation day. I stayed at home and keep busy myself to be more fat like eat and sleep. Okayyy i never forget my friends and i know they are busy too but how can they expect me to reply them early and then leave me only bluetick. Actualy to be honest i hate bluetick because of the people that always leave me bluetick. First at all when you promise, keep your promise, so people trust you well. I know they have found their soulmate but they still have to keep their promise. You should never make promise when you are happy. Hmmm i think i should find one person so i never be like.... whatever

I MISS YOU !!!

hey friends, i miss you guys, i miss my family, i miss my sister, hus and limau, i miss my bro harris and the most i miss for this moment is ijam. Its my mistake for ruin our friendship, its my mistake to make we lost contact forever, its my mistake for delete your number and ensure i cannot contact you anymore. I totally miss you ijam, i miss our moment but past stay past. I bet you have better life and meet new person unlike me, i just your online friends and we contact only for 3 years maybe. I must being like crazy people disturbing your day and night. To Fazril Izham bin ______, thanks for being my best buddy with sweet talk. You are the first person which are actually first sweet guy being my best buddy, other don't make it cause i really don't like sweet guy or maybe i have been your friend for 3 years, so i can adapt your sweet talk. Honestly it my mistake for not recognize what my heart wants and always confuse it.  I think i want to wait my dream guy ( the guy that always calm me in my dream whenever i feel sad or stress) but now never dream him anymore. Maybe he think that i'm enough stronger to handle all problem by myself or he think that i have friends beside me.

FRIENDSHIPS

Friendship, i have a lot of friends, hahahha just kidding, do you think i have a lot of friends, i never have a lot of friends cause people never get along me. They just find me when they need me only, Okay just now, i just find that one of friends said that my attitude totally fuck, damn am i the one who need to blame. Hey come on, face with me if you doesn't like me, I already told to them, if you get any problem just told me. You are the one who create problem and then you blame on me. Okay i deserve all of this. I'm the only one who wrong and your guys are right cause you have backup who will agree what your said. I hate this situation, i never want to be like this, go ahead, i fed up with your attitude too but i try to be patient. What i did you will remember and repeat it all time, its annoyed, don't you know that. owh what i'm blabbering right now.
FEEL WANT TO SCREAM LOUD AS I COULD SCREAM. THINKING ABOUT PEOPLE MAKE ME .......

Story of my life

Today is the end of october, tomorrow will be my birthday month but yet i still face a lot of problem that i don't know how to solve it. Fact that my friends told me is i'm not beauty enough, i don't have fair skin just like them, what i wear sometimes become disaster, i have small eyes and big mouth which are to them are totally not a beauty type. I know they are beauty person, every friends see them told they are beautiful and unlike me. I never down because of that but because every time i over raising my voice, they said i'm emotional, when they are doing like that, i just keep silent and hear, but when comes to me, they just pass away. 

Today incident is, i just  don't want a coin money because my wallet cannot support to much of them, then everybody get angry with me, okay its my mistake. Because of this, everybody get angry with me, its like they want to show that they always be patient to me but i'm already cross the limits. Hello, i just keep everything happen in my heart only, everything they do to me, i just keep cause i never want to get angry, i hate to argue. To them, when i start talk, it just like i'm blabbering only, its happen when they talk too. I'm not a good writer who can write a lot of thing, i'm also not a good adviser but i'm a good listener. Everything that you want to ask, just ask me, i can hear well and keep well the secret. Honestly, when i think back what happen to me, it just kifarah and what i said a few years ago turn me like this. When i was a primary school, i always told to myself that i will never fall in love or been couple with anyone as long i'm studying, and now it still happen to me. When people want to know my experience about being love with anyone else, i just said 0 experience but i feel my family's love towards me.

Forget about my little story and hope tomorrow is better than today. chill up

HELLO OCTOBER

New day, new life, new moment need to be create. First at all, i just want to totally forget about zul, the guy that i have been crush in last post, but the end blocking me in all media social. Hahhahahha forget about him and focus on your study only. This week gonna be hectic to me cause i need to submit my system. arghh i don't have a lot courage to make it possible, but thanks to ALLAH SWT i pass my enhancement in Qaseh Gold system. I feels like gonna die, but my lecturer let me pass cause my system meet the criteria.

Days by day i try to be a better person in my life, but i still don't have a lot of courage to tell my parents that i have to extend semester, because i know its totally hurt them. To all my friends who born in October, i wish you all happy birthday, may ALLAH SWT bless you all. I totally miss my blog, but i will find  a way to update it always.